Save the Males

So Many Men Telling Men How To Be Men. Why?

This incredible article — “On Christian Masculinity” by Michael Witcoff — was Gab’s Post of the Day on December 10th. Gab, if you did not know, is what would happen if Facebook and Twitter had a baby but the baby didn’t work very well and was also racist.

Just look at that featured image. Gaze into the piercing blue eyes of this magnificent Aryan specimen. Admire his resplendent military dress. The very picture of masculine strength and competence from the glory days of Western man.

This man, chosen by author Michael Witcoff as avatar of masculinity, is none other than Tsar Nicholas II, a leader well known for his soft and vacillating personality and his deferral to his wife Alexandra in matters of state. The guy who lost his crown because a bunch of women got really angry and his own soldiers were like “yeah, they’ve got a point.”

Great beard, though.

With a start like that, the obvious thing to do is roast the absolute shit out of Witcoff’s article and call it a day. And believe me, “On Christian Masculinity” is Kalua-pig-level roastable: juicy and hilarious.

Do we really need another roast, though? I’m pretty sure half the Internet consists of people making fun of men telling men how to be men. All it does is provide some laughs for people who hate the same things I hate and alienate the people who don’t.

Men keep writing these articles because there is a seemingly bottomless appetite for them. Why? What problem do they address? Why do they resonate so hard with a certain type of young and angry man?

Before we try to answer that, though, we do kind of need to know what the article says.

So let’s have a tiny roast. Just a little one. As a treat.

How to Be A Man

“With every passing generation, men become weaker and more confused.”

Witcoff holds this absolute banger of an opening sentence to be self-evident: that all men are created Weak and Confused, that they are endowed, by their Society, with…